Breaking

When your life isn't good enough anymore, when your "best friends" turn back to friends or even to "someone I know", when someone you think didn't care about you starts caring. When you lose contact with someone that's right beside you, when everything starts getting boring and sad. You know you're breaking but you don't want to face it, you don't want to tell anyone. The tears become a daily routine and you stop talking because words are useless, You lose the self confidence you used to have and your smile is just a mask, everything around you is fade, sometimes you lose control.

It's weird being scared of what someone you used to be so close to can think about you.

When you look back at what you used to be, and how you act with others you wonder how they didn't realize it. You need changement but it doesn't happen, you're stuck in this permanent weird mood. It's heavy on your shoulders and on your chest, crying doesn't help anymore. You feel weak and stupid and people probably think the same way.

And one day, a sunshine appears, you meet new people that tell you everything you needed to hear, they bring you back to life and make you hope again. But there's still that thing in your mind, it doesn't want to leave you, whenever you're alone again it comes back and hits you. You're alone in this and when you finally talk to somebody you're afraid of their judgement.

But now you need to get over it and to take control over  your life .

Mirror

Sometimes I wish it was you instead of that mirror. I wish you could hear me, you could see me crying over you. Sometimes I wish all this never happened but then I realise it was one of the best things that ever happened to me, that I had never been this happy before. But it hurts me now, and what hurts the most is your silence. I knew it would happen, but I wasn't ready for this, not at all.
Sometimes I wish you could see how strong I act in front of that mirror, how strong I would like to be the next time I'll see you. But the only thing I see is that mirror. He knows me better than anyone does. He has seen my weakness and my hopes, my disillusions and all my tears. In front of him I tell my heart out, I tell myself to be strong, I get angry at myself for being so weak. It's like he could see through my soul and my messy feelings. I imagine you are behind it hearing me sometimes. I start telling things I don't even believe in, things I don't want to admit, that I need to move on, to forget you. I talk to myself, my eyes stuck in my own eyes. Oh I wish they were yours. As I talk to myslef the only thing I thing I have in mind is that question, a single question: 'WHY'. Yeh, why? Why me, why you?
I know I look ridiculous and honestly I don't know what I would do if someone saw me like this, talking madly to myself in front of a bathroom mirror, but it will never happen as I always lock the door.
I wish you could see how much you meant and how much you still mean to me. When I'm talking to that mirror, I feel crazy but not the good crazy way. I feel like a weirdo, but not the weirdo you loved. Wait, did I say 'loved'? Have you ever loved me anyways? Were your love words some words said just to make me feel good like all the promises and plans we had ? You made me dream and I'm thankful for this but now I got the message and I need to get back to reality.
Take care.

People change

I had never realized how much people can change in a year. Maybe because I had never left for such a long time. But now that I did, I kind of feel like they're not the same, as I'm not the same as before.  It's incredible the number of things that changed in my life through a year. I met so many new people who made me discover so many things. I lived many experiences, fell in love, was heartbroken, learnt a new language...
This year, I can say that I'm not the same person as I was. Many of my opinions on the world, on people changed, sometimes they are clearer, sometimes I'm even more confused. But what changed the most is definitely my personality. I am less shy than I was, I kinda opened myself to others. Even my style changed, I don't give a damn about what people think about it !
Anyways, I like myself right now and I wouldn't change back for anything on earth.
Guys, don't try to change people back to what they were before.

I went away...

Leaving someone is always hard, always...

Happiness and Risk

Hey guys, today I just wanted to tell you something that matters for me.
It doesn't come from me, it comes from a movie I loved. This is the truest thing I've ever heard in my life and if I think about it, I realise it is related to everything: friends, family, teams and even schoolmates. "This", is a quote saying
" Happiness is real only shared" When I first read that quote, I actually didn't realise how much it was true. I thought it was just and trendy quote from a movie (Into the wild), a quote which didn't make any sense for me. And now, now after something happened in my life, now I realise that even though you can think that you are happy because you succeeded in something, you won't be entirely satisfied if someone isn't sharing that moment with you.
Taking risks can drag you somewhere you don't really want to go, but sometimes, it actually takes you way further than you can expect. One day someone told me that there was no fun if there's no risk. I didn't believe him at first and then I took the risk. I seriously do believe him now that I am so happy even though I'm taking the risk to be extremely sad. People could tell you that if someone makes you take some risks, you shouldn't listen to them, but you SHOULD. These people are the funniest and happiest people in the world because they live every moment as it was the last one.

Shadows

Hi everyone!
Last summer I went to visit the Alhambra in Granada, Spain. This trip inspired me for this little text I wrote...

Confused :/

Hi everyone...
I have no text with me this time but just a question... Have you ever be so confused that you don't even know how to deal with anything ? Has someone randomly make you feel like that?
Losing all your bearings, just because of single sentence? That sentence that destroys all the feelings and beliefs you could have had.
And then you just dont know what to do, you don't know what to say, and you don't know what to think...
I just don't know how to get over that confusion and how to deal with it :/
I'm lost

Running away

Hey guys,
Here are the thoughts of that guy who wants to run away from the world because one of his "friends" just stabbed him in the back. I guess that happened to many people, to girls and boys as it is in the story.

Reading

Have you ever read a really good book that changed your mind on something?
well this text is about the satisfaction of reading!

First impressions

Hi again
the first impressions you can have on someone are not always the best ones, here is the proof!

Time goes by

Hello hello !
I was writing a bit of poetry, just to try you know :)
hope you guys will enjoy!

Losing a part of yourself

Hey guys,
have you ever lost a person you really liked or even loved? A person who meant the world to you, even if you didn't know them for that long. That happened to me not long ago, with a person I loved like my own brother and he left me. Not by himself, someone kicked him off. Whatever, that 'disparition' affected me a lot .

Tears

Tears

Tears, she can feel them, rolling down her face. She is sitting on her bed, alone in the room, her arms crossed over her pillow. She can't stop crying.
The house is silent, people are getting ready to go oustide. She won't go. She doesn't want the others to see her like that. People are used to see her smiling, laughing, they aren't used to see her crying, not at all. Except for the people she really trusts, she never cries in front of others.
She doesn't want to move so she takes her phone and texts one of her best-friends there.
Looking at her in the mirror, she realizes how ridiculous she looks: her mascara had drawn black lines on her face and she is extremely red, like she had a sunburn all over her face, the eyes full of tears. And this how she feels: ridiculous.
Her friend is here, sitting on her bed, when she tries to explain her, she gasps all the time. It's difficult for her to talk, the tears take her all her energy.
She has never felt something similar, her whole body hurts, her stomach, her head. But the most painful part is the heart. She knows it is ridiculous, the whole story is ridiculous. But it hurts, it really does. She feels silly crying over such a small thing.
Her friend tells her she will get over it, but she doesn't want to believe her, not now, not today.
She tried hard to hide this sadness from him, really hard. She didn't want him to see he had hurt her. If she was prepared, she wouldn't have reacted like that. But she wasn't prepared, not at all.
It came out of nowhere, without any warning, any sign.
Without this single tear he wouldn't have noticed anything. He wouldn't  have tried to cheer her up, he would have let her go without saying her name, like he was complaining. He wouldn't have say " I thought you would have understood it better". He wouldn't have hugged her, hurting her more and more.
When he asked for this meeting, she was so happy, she couldn't imagine that ten minutes later everything would be over.
Everything around her reminds her of  this guy, his short hair, his big smile, his blue  happy eyes, his perfume, his laugh, the way he used to tickle her and to hug her right after that. She remembers him joking about random topics, sometimes not funny at all, but she didn’t pay attention to his mistakes. She remembers him taking care of her as she was taking care of him, how he used to tell her when he needed a hug or something, how  he was present all the time.
The evening following this afternoon, she is trying to hide her pain, trying to hide her red eyes behind her glasses. She thinks everything is fine until she sees him, laughing and talking to her friends. She misses him, a lot.
Today, he is wearing this maroon thick jumper, she has never seen it before, but he had talk to her about it saying "I’m sure that whenever I’ll have it, you will steal it from me". She remembers this conversation exactly, they had it being friends, and she realizes she also misses being his friend. A friend, this is what he was before, maybe it was better, she doesn’t know, she’s confused, really.
She doesn’t want tears to appear again, she tells herself it will be that last time, the last time tears would burst for a guy. Even if she knows it is not true, she prefers going back to her natural happiness. Being sad is way too tiring, being happy is so much easier and she prefers being herself.

Hello, it's me :)

Hi everyone !!
I don't exactly know who "everyone" will be but it doesn't really matter, you're welcome in here !
I created this blog because I wanted to share my teenage dreams and the realities of a teenager's life. First, I just wanted to tell you basically who I am.
I am a 15 years old girl, who's spending a year abroad in Ireland. I am a big dreamer who likes spending time writing diaries and drawing her dreams. I like writing stories and sometimes, they're about my own life.
Anyways, I hope you will like this blog ! ;)

You can say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.